She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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