Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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