i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
