Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
