my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
