I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
