I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
