I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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