why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
