So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
