She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
