Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So vagazzling was a success
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