my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
