yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
