have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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