So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
