not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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