she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
