i would punch a child for taco bell
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
