is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
