why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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