It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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