She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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