drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
