She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We need to get me chipped asap
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
