Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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