I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
