It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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