break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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