P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
