if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
