Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
