VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
