So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
