peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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