Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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