why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
