You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
