We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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