he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we made out on top of his cat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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