ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
