yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
