There is too much vodka and too much dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
