Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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