You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
