Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my poor anus
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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