Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
