Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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