i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
