If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How's work?
Spinning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
