saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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