Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
