This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
