i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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