I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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